(SAUCE) A total of 94 participants ran Australia’s Ellery Brookman Goldfields Pipeline Half Marathon earlier in July. The typical finisher had approximately 2.02 legs. The average was thrown off by a local stray dog named Stormy, who met the runners before the race and then, citing a light schedule of licking himself and sleeping for 18 yards that day, decided to join them. Stormy ran the course diligently, hitting every checkpoint and finishing with an estimated time of 2:30 — good enough for a top 70 finish. Despite not wearing a bib, the very good dog was recognized for his efforts, earning a medal for running 13.1 miles despite stumpy legs. “This dog is walking around, making itself known to all the runners. We get the air horn out and say ‘Go’ and off he goes with everybody,” volunteer coordinator Allison Hunter told Australia’s ABC News. ”Speaking with all the aid stations and marshals later, we found out he stopped at every single one.”
Air Bud is straight washed, hand over the torch. We ought to start the BBOAT conversation now (best boy of all time), because this guy is in it. Ole boy got off his pee pad and ran this, just wait until we get him into our training facilities. He’s not even a big dog with a respectable stride, he’s a little shit who just wants it more than you do.
Our story does take a sad turn however:
Stormy didn’t get much time to revel in his accomplishment, however. Rangers took the canine from the finish line, which is a pet-free zone, to the pound after no one claimed him at the end of the race. He’ll spend up to seven days in dog jail waiting for his owner to pick him up. Organizers were told the good boy is a year-old resident of a local Aboriginal community who doesn’t have a single owner, but knows everyone in town.
They tried to jail Jackie Robinson. They tried to jail Ali. This is where our doggie’s movie starts. They hate to see a brown man or dog succeed, I’ll tell you man.
If he doesn’t get claimed within the week, he can be adopted by some rando. Let my bro free, he didn’t hurt anybody. He’s a man of the people, a political prisoner similar to Bobby Shmurda some could say. There’s no way his people know that he’s disappeared. I’m imagining our doggie to be like Poppins from Sunny, who just comes and goes for weeks at a time. Now he’s going to be sold off to some far away land where they’ll clean his hair and shit. But he doesn’t like his hair to be cleaned! He loves the muck of it! Look at this kid!